Thoughts about living in Nepal

I love Nepal. Even so much that I sometimes dream about living there. We would buy a house or cottage and land (because suddenly we would win the lottery and be rich) and then renovate it in a perfect, special and personal way (Because suddenly we would be even more rich and have handyman-skills) We would grow our own organic food and have a lot of children and some cute animals. Our friends and family from Norway and Denmark would come and visit us all the time (Because suddenly they would be rich too) I would make a successful and cosy but not time demanding business (or win the lottery), all the snakes would be dead, and I would be fluent in nepali.

 

If I go back to reality for a moment, I have been thinking of what my main challenges probably would be, if Nepal was my home and daily life, and not only a dream. When I hear from foreigners who live there permanently, they often mention that there are certain practical things they miss from home, like hot showers, a stable electricity, not everybody being late, clean air and clean water. I am sure I would agree, but my experience from being in Nepal during some months among only Nepalese people is that there is something else which would be a much bigger challenge to me. Something more abstract, more deep, more personal. Later I have been reflecting about why exactly these things were so difficult to handle, and I have come to the conclusion that it is probably because:

1) It is connected to my personal (and cultural) values.

2) It is connected to the possibilities of feeling close and connected to other people.  

 

These are the five things I found myself missing the most when I was there, and which I think would be my biggest challenges if I was going to live there:

 

1. Communication

I was missing to be ironic or sarcastic and know that it would be understood. I was missing a certain type of humour. To laugh about the same things for the same reason. To understand the same things in the same way. To communicate something to someone, by sending messages between the lines. To receive messages between the lines. To know and understand the unwritten rules of the society. To share these unwritten rules. I was missing the things I just mentioned in relation to feeling close to people, and developing friendships. I think I would sometimes feel lonely in Nepal if I was living there, even though surrounded by people all the time.

 

And that leads me to the next one:

 

2. Privacy

I was missing the possibility of not having people around all the time. I was missing the unwritten rule about not to stare at people without trying to hide it. (When I was there for the first time I had to walk down a very steep, small hill every day. There was some water running, which meant that it was always really slippery. It was a challenge to go down there, but what made it more challenging was that my performance was watched by a group of people every day.) I was also missing the possibility of being alone with one friend at the time and have private conversations without any audience. (Many places you can not be alone in a room with a man if you are a woman and not married to him. If you are alone with a man you are not married to, then at least you should keep the door totally open, so that other people can see that nothing inappropriate is going on. Or better, you should be in a public place, like in a restaurant.) I was not missing, but would if was living there for a longer time, the possibility of telling people that I want to have some time by myself and be alone, without being seen as rude or strange. (I enjoy my own company and never feel bored. My husband thinks it is extremely weird to have such a big need of being alone sometimes, and he even said that if I got this need in Nepal I should maybe make something up instead of telling the truth, as people would find it strange and not understand it) Another thing I found difficult related to privacy, was the lack of respect for private properties: People would find it normal to pick up my mobile or computer and start looking at my private messages and photos without asking. Seeing this from an objective perspective it is nice: People are sharing, and not being selfish. But as coming from a different culture it was really a challenge, and I was not able to adapt it. I wonder if I would, if I was living there for a much longer time. Probably to a certain extent.

 

3. Equality

In Nepal there are hierarchic systems everywhere. Between genders, casts, generations, and I could go on. Nobody is equal. I was missing the common western society value that everybody is equal.

A lot of the hierarchic structure is working ok, because people are used to it. The teacher is naturally treated with great respect. The elders are being respected and asked for advice. And so on. But for me it was really difficult and even annoying that these structurs were everywhere in the society, as many of them didnt even make sense for me, and at the same time I was expected to follow it. For example, I would feel very strange if I was expected to follow the advice of an old stupid man instead of a young wise, loving and caring teenage girl. Maybe a silly example, but you got the point.

 

4. Cosiness

(Danes are proud of their word hygge, which they think is non existing in any other part of the world. Maybe that’s true, but in my opinion the word cosiness is closely related) I was really missing this one in Nepal, even though I was doing nice things with nice people all the time, and had a lot of meals and tea. What I was missing was that specific atmosphere which can only be created out from a common understanding/feeling of what cosiness is. I was missing that a meal is not only food, but also cosiness. That candles are not only being used because of practical reasons, but because of cosiness. I was missing that people in general mind if the electrical light is not cosy, but cold and white, and that the atmosphere is related to this. The possibility of eating and talking at the same time, and make the meal last for a long time. That some meals are arranged only because of the possibility of cosiness. That drinking tea and coffee is done mainly because it is cosy. Cosiness in THAT specific way.

 

5. Animals welfare

The other points I mentioned were cultural challenges, where I am not saying (at least not trying to, and not meaning to, really) that my culture is the best. The cultures are just so different that challenges naturally occur, and it would have been the same the other way around. This one is a bit different, and I had a big problem with it: Most animals in Nepal are treated really badly, and some even brutal. (I once heard the sound of a group of chickens in fear while being in Nepal. I will never forget the sound of their desperate crying…) Dogs are beaten, goats are brutally slaughtered, and lots of animals are stored like things on the market, before getting sold. Yes, that’s the fact really: Animals are being treated as things, not like living creatures who can feel pain and fear. My heart was bleeding so many times as I saw this happen. Even children were beating the dogs. I found this so strange, and I have been thinking and wondering a lot about how it can happen, that the empathy with animals is just not present there in so many people, even children. I thought, somehow, that it was something people worldwide had naturally in them, as a kind of instinct. (You know, in the same way as we naturally are programmed to care for babies because they are helpless and have cute, big eyes)

 

Oh, that leads me to another point, which I had not been thinking of until now. Since I have a child (which I had not on my last trip) I would probably also have to add some kind of fear to this lists. I am always so afraid of the transport in Nepal, so thinking of my baby on these roads makes me terrified, and other safety issues too, like not being able to count on the ambulance to come when you need it.

 

Some time in the future I am quite sure that we will stay in Nepal for a longer period of time though. My child is half Nepalese, so I want him to know his background. I want him to know the culture of the country which his father is so proud of and which his mother kept visiting again and again. But I don’t know yet when it will be. (Maybe when he is around 60. I just have to build some roads first. And kill some snakes.)